i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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