Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i came on her dog
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
