Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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