Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
