i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
