1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
