i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
