I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
