Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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