He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
