I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
