It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
