I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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