You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
