now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
