so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
