I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
