Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
