Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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