I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
