wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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