Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
