I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
