after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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