My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
