Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
