Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
