he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
