So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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