if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
