Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
