Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
