How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
