So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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