A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize