He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
