So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
