My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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