Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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