Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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