thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
