yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize