the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
