i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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