Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
