At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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