i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
