Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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