i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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