i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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