Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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