I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
