Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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