Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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