We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize