Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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