Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
