Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize