Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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