four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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