All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize