her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
