just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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