Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize