it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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